The evil Ooh Lah Lahs

French secret weapon to ensure they look better in their tans than the English: Impart vague instructions.

Found on Clarins’ Self Tanning Milk With Sun Protection

Directions in English:
Apply liberally before sun exposure and reapply after swimming or excessive perspiration. Wash hands thoroughly after use. Wait a few minutes before dressing.

This can be interpreted as “apply liberally” so you will buy more from Clarins to replenish. Or the English, Americans, and other anglophiles really only use the product for sun protection purposes, which at SPF 6 is not sufficient anyway no matter how much you apply, so a sunburn will develop, and the end result will be sunburn+ uneven brown patches from the self tanning effect.

Now, directions in French:
For the first two days, apply uniformly, in the morning and at night. Moderate usage after, depending on tan intensity desired. Wash your hands after application and wait before dressing.

Of course I followed the directions for the French. The fake tan turned out quite nice.
The parents will be pleased to know that my expensive uni minor in French is finally paying off. I outsmarted the ooh lah lahs!